Annie and James Rushden were man and wife, until James revealed he was transsexual. Annie writes about the experience of falling in love all over again with her partner Claire. Same soul, different gift wrap.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Another new chapter

or the next stop on the timeline...

Anyway, as some of you may remember, in a galaxy, far, far..wait, wrong story.

I married my other half 13 years ago in March (yay!) and around 2007, I started on changing things up, and being who I needed to be. I got very lucky and thankfully we're still together.

2008-2009 I had a serious health scare, and since then life has been pretty crappy, to say the least. The surgery was traumatic (if anyone wants more details I can point you to the story) and it took 6 months for me to physically recover, and there are still some residual issues that I'll have for the rest of my life, but I'm still alive.

Since 2009 I have had more issues (I was always an overachiever, lol) resulting from the surgery and I ended up with depression, social anxiety & the best of all, agoraphobia. They're still not fixed, and in fact are still an ongoing battle. Sometimes I win, but more often I don't.

Trying to cut a very long, and probably boring story short, through it all my other half has stuck with me and now we get to the interesting part ;)

She has always identified as bisexual, but as long as we've been together it's just been us two. Recently we've been talking about things again and we decided (with lots of confirmations, and triple checking) that life (as I almost found out) is way too short, and I need to get out and try some new things. So we decided we're strong enough, and have enough trust in each other that we're now going to have a polyamorous relationship (sometimes called open, but slightly different and nicer).

So, on Saturday we went to meet someone, just to talk, maybe have a meal etc. and it was without a doubt the best night out I've had in years. It wasn't easy. In fact, I almost didn't go & I was stuck to the bed most of the day fighting a panic attack. The agoraphobia isn’t beaten, not even close, but I'm fighting. One day at a time.

I don't know why I posted this. I have been very irregular with posting since I came back here. But heck, why not?

TLDR: I kissed a boy, and I liked it.

Claire kissed a boy, and she liked it!

Claire has been suffering from crippling social anxiety and agoraphobia for 5 years now. It hasn't been easy for either of us. She started making strides in getting out of the house over the last few months, and one of my friends was able to convince her to join her in social settings a few times. This person is a doll. She knows about Claire's transgender status and adores her for who she is. Claire feels comfortable with her and it was nice to see her relaxed and happy.

I have long been a fan of polyamorous relationships. There is a lot to be said, I believe, in realizing that although you love someone and wish to grow old with them, that they may not fulfill every need you have. I am not girly. Quite the opposite. Put me in a dress and I will most likely dissolve into ashes. I don't want to talk about girly things. I will, because I love her. Likewise, she doesn't care about hiking, pottery, or things that make you dirty. 

So I talked to her about the concept of being able to expand the relationship. She has missed out on so much in life from when she was shut down and living in the wrong gender. She was curious if she might like guys. Curious about threesomes. Wishing she had someone content to snuggle and watch movies with, rather than a half feral animal that can't sit still or focus on just watching the movie (that's me, lol).

I finally talked her into the idea of a polyamorous relationship. She decided to test the waters. We found a wonderful guy for her first date, and he did not disappoint at all. Handsome, kind, funny, and obviously attracted to her. The three of us went out and it was the best night. Watching her feel comfortable and be drawn out of her shell and feel empowered and beautiful was just MAGICAL to me. She said that for the first time she felt "normal" - not full of anxiety, not self-conscious, not trans, just a woman that had the attention of a really nice guy. At the end of the night, although she kind of got quite shy, she got a very nice kiss good night. And she liked it.

After that, we made another date with him, and she felt like something had been lifted from her. The guilt and pressure to conform to a societal standard of marriage was gone and she saw that yes, she could watch me kiss someone else and enjoy the fact that I was having fun, and she could kiss someone else and not be breaking some vow. Her world has opened up and we have declared that the change is official. 

She thought about changing her Facebook status, but got a little nervous. We agreed I would change mine so she could see the reactions, if any. Well, joke was on her, because Facebook changed it for both of us. LOL. Since then I have been messaged with supportive notes from friends, and have even discovered that people we know are poly. Sadly, they don't live close by.

Will there be rough times? I'm sure. This is all new to her, although I have experienced it before. I am incapable of jealousy, but she is not. However, she now has the freedom to flirt with, make out with, snuggle during a movie with, and take to bed anyone she chooses, either with or without me. She has been liberated. I feel the rules of society are stacked against people like us anyway, so who frankly gives a shit what anyone thinks? If this helps free her of her inhibitions then anyone that has a problem with it can leave our life. 

So, on to adventures, happiness, and gratuitous human connections :)